The Mirror
I don’t get it… Im barely eating. I did everything the diet said! I hate myself, look at you. Fat pig. No wonder no one looks at you, no one likes you. These jeans look hideous, my muffin top hanging out. Why did I have to be the fat one. I would have been so much nicer if I was skinny. I’d make fat girls feel liked and popular. That comment mom made the other day really annoyed me. Don’t point out me getting seconds of dinner. It was a long day, I hadn’t eaten. Sorry I’m not anorexic like you.
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Holy Shit, that was so much fun. Wow, those people are super cool. Im exhausted. What time is it? 1:02am. Crazy. Look at my hair, oh my god who cares that was awesome. They didnt even notice. They didnt notice anything bad about me. Wow. Ok bed time.
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Ok, yes this outfit looks good. I think Im ready to go. Why was she talking so fast on the phone.. she must be excited to hang out. Im excited too. I wonder if all the same people will be there from last time. They were so much fun. Don’t be an idiot… don’t make us look dumb. These are our friends now. We need them to like us.
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Why are my eyes so big? Holy fuck that was the best night of my life. I feel so good. I love those people so much. They’re my people! … I cant believe I tried blow. Wow. Whatever, I trust them. And how could it be that bad, I feel so happy. I look so good. I’m not fat. Im curvy!! My friends love me for who I am and so do I. Ok Lets try and sleep.
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Am I losing weight? Where did my love handles go? Oh my god Im looking skinnier. Why though? My friends did tell me cocaine makes people lose weight. That must be it. I dont think I’ve been doing that much but look at the results? Damn girl you fine!! I’m never gunna stop. This is it. What I’ve been looking for my whole life. I wish I had found it sooner.
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My face looks sick. Like my cheeks are sunken in, why? I dont feel well, maybe I have the flu. Last night was rough. It wasn’t like the other nights. I couldnt do enough. I didn’t feel as good. I threw up twice, ew is that puke in my hair? I need a shower. I think I’m gunna stay home tonight.
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What does mom mean, under weight? Theres no way I’m under weight. She’s just jealous cause no matter what she does she can’t be as skinny as me. I wonder where my friends are tonight. And why they wont answer my calls. “You’re out of control” was the last thing they said to me and how dumb. I’m completely in control. Smoking cocaine is literally no different than snorting it. What hypocrites. Whatever. At least I’m never hungry. At least I’m not fat anymore. And at least I dont give a shit what people think! As long as I’m high….
